Debut Studio Album being mixed - tasters available

4 YEARS in the making, my debut studio* album is now being mixed.

Here is a taster video and you can also hear snippets on my Soundcloud.

 *Well I say studio.  I mean, using my co-producer Kev's Protools, and getting studio time for the important things like drums.

The vocals were literally recorded over my toilet.  With the lid down of course.

Seemingly the WRONG Choices

So
does it seem that I am sick
Sick sick
Of getting it wrong
Bad mind
Very bad mind
Making it all wrong
Choosing the opposite of right
Seemingly
Of course what's unseen may be right
I can't see the unseen
I'd like to believe...
Comparison
Evil jealously
Thoughts: I don't blame them
Who's not been around for four years?
But then who was overbearing and in your face when she was?
Oh I despise myself
My past
My little public self
Arrogant and better than everyone else
Better than all of them
Better than you
So good she will disappear
Making all that goodness worthless
And worse than some
At some's feet when they were in the limelight
Popular alphas
They looked at me with fear
And ran away
Desperation dripping from my pores
In the corners of my mouth: froth
A pile of snot the past four years
Think I can start again in a new capital city?
Finish this chapter and get the fuck out
Again
But do I want bigger or smaller?
I have no shut off here
This tap keeps running
With drivel
I can make myself alone anywhere if I try hard enough
Many people can in weeks
Sometimes days
All that hard work can be forgotten in months
And I can be overlooked
Ignored
Hoped to be gone
Willed to be missing
Desired to be ill


By everyone
For four years


Delusion is my master
Knowing this I battle on.

Pitiful Jealousy

It roots itself in such mundane conversation Its only reason: Fear manifested as inaction Can it become a driving force again? The only positive side of jealousy Can be a rocket if I let it If i use it to create not destroy

Back Home - Background

So I just need to get it out

This song

I wrote 24/02/08

After him
The reality of him
Spending time with the him I thought I loved
The him on stage
Was different to the him in life
I know he felt the same about me
We had tried it twice
To get a second opinion
Neither of us were professionally trained

I feel like what happened with him was a universe away from where I am now
Oh wait...
I was embarrassed
So many songs
Already out about all the parts we wanted to keep hidden
All the vulnerabilities we so wanted to share
But felt unconditionally judged the first time
Were accepted and joked about the second time
I had already forgiven him
I proved that by driving there
I wanted to show him off
At my party
But he wouldn't come
I would always travel to him
To his life
Living his life
Was safer than my own
I left early that morning
Consciously leaving memories for him he'd probably only throw away
And went back to my reality
A severely pissed off dog
And a poo on the sofa.

Gonna give me time and I’ll fly when I get there all will be fine and be tired but find my way back home
Reflections are no sense to define when I get there change my mind and be trying to find my way back home
I like you I like you
Play an orchestra in the rain and know you feel the same but away in you and yours back home
Accept all the stupid things we do to avoid offerings of heart make a place back home
I like you I like you
You and your imagination, wine, frozen away, stop you, stop you taking care of me, you fool, what’s wrong with you?
Swallow pride say you were right you’ve got your problems I’ve got mine so sleep sleep away back home
You see this I do it all for you not in the way you think I do you say I’m sorry if I hurt you
You say I’m sorry if I hurt you
You say I’m sorry I hurt you
(c) Jessica Grace Everitt 2012

nests

pressing her palms together
she recalls someone saying
you need to build a nest
don't forget
THEN you can rest
only then you can rest
but she did forgot
and she dun nuthin
in her head
but her head tells lies
all the time
and then she is convinced and everyone is convinced
and nobody cares
nobody cares
what she thinks about what people think about her
and they don't and it doesn't matter
so she builds a nest
in the mean time
she listened to her friend

clear the deck...

...then maybe there will be space to rest
disease
eats me
my mouth
my head
my eyes
my feet
I am in the floor again
knowing nothing of my mind or what's true
mind says it knows better than I do about you
reality escapes me
but one literal glimmer
the sun
on opposite windows
is orange
and takes them all up
and the motorway is the sea
and the flats are the hotels
and we are on a cold beach
talking shit
and it's all okay
can you feel it?

And all these times I said to all these different people
I'll show you
And I said I'll never show you once, foretelling
That this is something extraordinary
Not just an excuse not to have the courage to speak
Maybe it's better that way
Not to speak
In this age of delusion
For now
Now I am spent
I will sleep
And stop walking into things

unimpressed

So I namedrop
You are
Unimpressed

I sing
You look
You seem unimpressed

But you look at me
You are impressed
I am happy