Tactile Disaster - Lyrics and Background

I have been blogging about each of the songs pitted for my debut studio album in the hope I can make a decision about which to choose for the album, and in which order they should go in.

This instalment is for Tactile Disaster - my pop song.

I wrote it after Facebook stalking an ex (terrible terrible) and seeing that he had (yet another) girlfriend.  I remember him saying when we were together that his previous relationship had lasted 2 years.  Mine with him lasted about 6 weeks because it was clearly a rebound thing.  I met a mutual friend some years after, and she mentioned him and the fact that he was now single again.  I worked out it had been roughly two years again...  Sometimes you just want to be touched - not sexually - just reassured by touch.  I remember discussing with a friend about the fact that if more friends gave each other hugs and stuff maybe we wouldn't rely on romantic relationships so much for that tactile experience.

Lyrics and Notes:

Doctor said it wouldn't last she said

(changed from he to she because there are plenty of female doctors, but more assumptions than that that a doctor is male)

When you jump in too fast

It was a tactile disaster

Over in two years and I said it would be

(I did and it was)

I am the lock you are the key

(this was a line I once heard by a guy to get me into bed but it didn't work)

You don't have the right to follow me

(ha ha this was before Twitter)

But you do when you choose

And it makes me love you unconditionally

(This was about my ex still following my music career - he loves my music - I love him unconditionally)

I was right to shoot you down

Even though you were leaving to another town

(I called the serial monogamist up and gave him a piece of my mind)

City, colour and Dallas Green

(I couldn't find a good line.  I looked in my phone for saved notes [because I write down lyrics I think of in this way] and found this but realised after someone recommended I listen to a band called 'Dallas Green'!  I still haven't really listened to them)

We all want to be on your scene

(All the girls want to be near an unattainable man)

Poor love, live for the thrill of it

I wonder how long you loved her

'Til you had your fill

(vitriol)

City, colour and Dallas Green

We all want to be in your jeans

(all the girls want to get in the pants of an unattainable man)

Caledonian Sleeper - Lyrics and Background

As you may or may not have been reading - I have been posting original lyrics sheets and lyrics of songs for my debut studio album in the hope that I can pick a track listing / album tracks.  This next instalment is for the song 'Caledonian Sleeper'.

I was in Euston station, London, and I happened to notice an overnight train leaving the platform, called a Caledonian Sleeper.

I felt this was representative of a situation I found myself in a while before, with a Scottish songwriter.  I felt great admiration for him, and very deep love, but that was mostly unrequited.  He had lots of problems at the time, but aside from that, I was not the person to make him happy.  I was very naive, and blinded by love (oh and I had lots of problems, too), so I couldn't see past what my needs were.  I was unable to be a friend to him.

After the 'tiny-amount-of-requited-things' finished between us, I still felt a connection between us.  I wanted to be friends.  But I was still serving my needs, not his.  And we never really had a friendship before that.  I visited him a few times unannounced.  This time he was not in.  I looked around, then waited for a bit, sitting in the sunlight. When I got home, I wrote this song.

Lyrics and notes:

My Caledonian Sleeper is locked up for the night
(the 'train of me and him' is not going anywhere even though it's night time)
I looked into your eyes; I knew you'd never be mine
Of course I looked at you and said: 'Ooh baby baby baby, ooh'
(because most of the girls did)
But this thing has gone wrong
What have I done?
(this was both an exclamation: 'WHAT HAVE I DOOOONE!' and a question to him: 'what have I done [to make you not want me any more]')

I travelled by your 'hood
Your park is all closed down
Where'd you take your dog?
If you were home did you hear me shout?
(paranoia that he was home and hiding from my stalkerdom)
Of course I looked for you
On your doorstep, thinking: 'baby baby, ooh"
Birds flew by
(literally they did, but figuratively, in his life, they probably did too)
Calm was mine
Outside
(outside his house, outside his life, outside society, outside everything)

Beautiful, proud
(how I saw him - my muse = myself)
Figure it out
(Life?)
Exceptional boy
(He was/is very talented)
Where do you store your joy?
(And where did I put mine again?)

I could go on and on and on
And on again with words to explain
But they don't describe the feelings I have for you
(I thought he was amazing - much better than me)
It's all in vain
I don't know what you are
But I thank you from the bottom of my heart
(good to have gratitude, even for a painful experience)
This thing went wrong
What have we done?
You're a true friend
(for showing me things about myself and polishing my life)
Even broken...   man
(I don't think he's broken any more, which is good)

Too... Anything - Lyrics and Background

As I said yesterday I am posting lyrics and descriptions of songs from my new album, with the hope that I will understand them more and be able to put them in their place on the album.

This song also has an instrumental/video available here.

This was a song written as a result of a break up, and of being rejected in many areas. And sometimes when you ask friends (do you notice this?) they say 'maybe you were a bit too... this, or a bit too... that'? The voice in the back of my head was certainly telling me all of the ways I was too... something or that I'd done... something. Because in some ways it would have been nice have been in control of all these things that seemed to be affecting me so badly.

The realisation I had while writing 'Too... Anything' made me feel better. And more free; that it wasn't all me.

Lyrics and notes:

I wasn't too... anything
I didn't do...
I wasn't too... anything
I'm fine just as I am

Antiquated
Stagnated
(These were the things I labelled myself as. I tried to change them to more positive words later but these were the words, and I felt old and stagnant, so it was right really)

You sound like a child
When you talk to him
Why?
(I remember a while after this guy finished with me I was in the same area he had taken me to with my sister and I called him 'to find out where the restaurant was he had taken me to'. Just to hear his voice. I put on this child voice. I don't know why. I still do that with my boyfriend sometimes!)

Know I'm right
Alone
Don't sleep with me
Tonight
Alone
Don't be with me
Fight
Alone
Don't see me with you
Alone
Alone

(I added all the "don't"s and "alone"s after. The pic below shows that. When writing the original lyrics for this, I didn't want to be alone! It was a big fight writing this song!)

Be Yourself - Lyrics and background

I have taken pics of all the original scrawlings of lyrics of songs (that I can find) which will (probably [there are a couple that may only make an E.P.]) appear on my debut studio album.

Be Yourself is the second in this installment, Back Home was the first I posted, a while back.

These posts are for my benefit really, as I try to delve into the core of each song, in the hope that I find something, and that the song finds it's place in the universe - and in the order of the album - before it gets mastered!

If the universe bit sounds too pretentious, I do not apologise. I've given up trying to appear unpretentious in favour of getting the album effing done.

So Be Yourself...
Self explanatory lyrics really. The song begged for about 50 verses and I think there is another page somewhere of limerick-type rhymes that were 'good... but just not roooight'.

This was written to my imaginary muse; similar to 'With Me' and 'Without You' (to follow). There could be references to past love affair 'subjects' but the song as a whole is aimed at a less tangible target, which strangely feels very freeing and unlimited.

Lyrics and notes:

Unimaginative sometimes
I can always rely on the chord of 'G'
When i don't have time

(Strangely I use a capo on this song and despite the song starting in the 'G' shape, the chord here, a bit further in, and during the apt line, is actually 'G'. )

And it's not I don't feel this
It's just that I feel too much Sometimes I've got so much to say
It comes out in this haphazard way

(Yep)

Just be...
(inner voice talking to self)
Be yourself

I'm hungry again
And im cold 'cause I ran out of gas
And I ran out of socks 'cause they're all in the wash
And I'm tired and lonely and crap
(these things all happened more than once. I could have said 'knickers' too if anything rhymed with it)
But i don't need you (fictitious person)
I can feel this way all by myself (don't I know it)
For 3 days I've had this plea in my head
I found to you on the shelf
(this links to the middle 8 here* and this plea was written earlier and was to a real person)

Just be...
Be yourself

*middle 8
Be a boy
Just don't play with me any more
(boo hoo. Reference to falling for 'boys' and then feeling hurt because they do not act like grown up men. I love being childish but it has it's down sides...)

I'm not angry at you
(because I'm resigned)
I'm not angry at me
(because I've stopped being a masochist today)
I'm angry because I don't understand what's happening to me
(which I explain:)
Every day getting stronger
Every day feeling more weak
(when I find I have gone through hell [sometimes a hell of my own creation] it makes me feel powerless, but if I transform that feeling, that's usually when I take the most courageous action, and become stronger without realising. And that of course is all very confusing and frustrating and in the end great but I don't see it in the process of it)
Now I don't care if I ever get 'there'
('there': end goal- success in music, fame, fortune, white 4x4s, man-hoes)
But at least I say truth when I speak
(so I gave up on my happiness depending on the external outcome and sought solace in the fact I could speak truths and 'be myself' so...)

Just be...
Be yourself

More to follow...